One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
