I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
