your room smells of hookers.
And success
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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