I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
