You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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