What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
