I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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