My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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