I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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