No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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