Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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