Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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