she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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