I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
