some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
