toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we have officially lost it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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