Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
