i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
