I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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