Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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