ADVERTISEMENT

• (734): View more from Michigan

  i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  what was she crying about?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.

  Fav 47 15196 2261

  share tweet
  

• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  omg no way im finding him!

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.

  Fav 114 2233 9527

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (325): View more from Texas

  I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck

  Fav 4 2337 939

  share tweet
  

• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.

  Fav 13 6154 1158

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.

  Fav 12 6393 1307

  share tweet
  

• (310): View more from California

  we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck

  Fav 10 2848 984

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (440): View more from Ohio

  At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Valid question

  Fav 6 1819 746

  share tweet
  

• (937): View more from Ohio

  I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.

  Fav 8 2779 922

  share tweet
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"

  Fav 2 1724 752

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high

  Fav 2 1058 506

  share tweet
  

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.

  Fav 1 487 866

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (678): View more from Georgia

  There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.

  (1-678): View more from Georgia

  It's destiny.

  Fav 1 622 314

  share tweet
  

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC

  Fav 2 269 179

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me

  Fav 0 74 8

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (315): View more from New York

  Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.

  Fav 2 74 10

  share tweet
  

Randomize