I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
