sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Found your dick twin last night
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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