she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
