so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
