omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
