my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
