I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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