the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
