This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am naked and annoyed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
