Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
