I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
