my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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