my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Randomize
