I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
