I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
