she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
