Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
