I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
this boner is exhausting
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
