So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
