i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
false alarm, still single
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
