First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
