I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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