I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
