Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
