I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
it's like iHOP with fire
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
