the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
