Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
