you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
