he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
