fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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